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Who out there hasn’t found breaking up hard to do? Whether you initiated the end of the relationship or not, leaving a relationship can have a long list of challenges. When I speak of breaking up, I’m not just talking about a romantic relationship. I’m also referring to the end of a friendship, leaving a job, a business partnership, and even the loss from parting ways with a family member. They all have their challenges.

Maneuvering Through Grief Losses

Drawing of a couple arguing at table

There’s an adage, “People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.” These words never helped to calm me down or feel better about what was happening in my life. I would take the self-destructive route to the road to feeling better, but that didn’t really work either.

One day, as I was licking my breakup wounds, yet again, a teacher of mine quoted a non-physical being named Bashar. In the book Bashar: Blueprint for Change, there is a quote that says (and I paraphrase), “A relationship is a relationship until it’s not a relationship any longer.”

A light bulb went off in my mind. I got it! This became a mantra for me, helping me to get through any relationship challenge that I had to face. I began to understand that every relationship, as deep or as seemingly insignificant, has a learning aspect to it.

What are the golden nuggets that can be taken away from these experiences? How can you process your feelings in a healthy way? Each loss is different, as different as each relationship. Here are a few ideas on processing the end of a relationship in a healthy and self-supporting way:

Drawing of a broken heart

Ask yourself, what is the lesson, opportunity, gift, or combination of the three that I am to take away from this situation or relationship?

As every experience we have is for our expansion and learning, if you marinate long enough, you will find your lesson, opportunity, and/or gift in each of them.

Honor your feelings.

If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like hitting something, go to the mattresses. Hit your mattress or pillow until you feel complete. If you need to go inward, go inward. Your healing process is as individual as you are.

Don’t let anyone tell you that what you’re feeling is not legitimate or push you to get over your feelings before you’re ready.

Everyone processes loss differently. Some do it at a slower pace, some at a faster pace. It’s important to remember that their pace isn’t your pace. If there is someone in your life that is tired of hearing your pain or can’t handle your pain, then you might want to see if that relationship is one you’d like to continue with, or one that you may need to temporarily distance yourself from.

Treat yourself with love and kindness.

While reeling from the pain of a breakup, we tend to blame ourselves for things not working out, but in reality, the reason could be that you did all you could do and you came to the end of that relationship’s road. Though we are the common denominator in all our experiences, there are times when nothing you can do or say will make the relationship work. In that case, be kind to yourself and honor your efforts.

Do something to pamper yourself.

Whether a soak in a tub, a massage, a meal with a friend, it is important to take care of yourself. Sit in nature. Do something that’s healthy and supportive, and that lifts your spirits and makes you feel better.

Have any more tips on how to deal with a breakup? Let us know down in the comments.

This article originally published on GREY Journal.

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